Blues Man

       My grandfather was affectionately known to my children as Papa.  The day after his departure from this physical realm, I waded through the last items he'd laid atop his bedroom dresser and found his duly weathered brown leather wallet.  Gingerly peeking inside, I discovered several slips of old notepaper which held his handwritten accumulation of quotes and words to live by.  With further examination, my mother and I discoverd that grandpa began compiling the wise words in his youth and continued to carry them throughout his days in the well worn wallet. He'd never preached the phrases and parables to us overtly.  Instead, we found, he endeavored to live them most profoundly and taught us all by the example and even the struggle of his living.  He didn't tell me how to live.  Instead, he lived and let me watch.

"Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life."
-from Papa's wallet words of wisdom

        July is the month of Papa's birth, the mark of his solar return.  He would have celebrated 94 trips around the sun this month as he'd likely tell hush-hush jokes that kinda make you chuckle and hold onto the punch line as if it were a secret.  He'd be moving busily about cleaning up and running errands to ensure everyone else's comfort and happiness even at his own birthday party.  And he'd make sure there ran a steady supply of Muddy Waters or Ray Charles blues tunes to cradle his North Carolina born and bred soul.  

         Today, my ministry is about the work of honoring souls who have crossed over and spiritually supporting their families.  Yet, I sometimes grieve the opportunity to have fully honored the beauty and wisdom of my grandfather's legacy.  Honor Your Loved One was born from my deep commitment to provide for others the spiritual support and resources that I did not experience when any of my loved ones passed away.  Not so long ago, I sat like so many others, in a state of numb shock unable to fully express and celebrate one who was a pillar to my very being- a rock like foundation from which the fabric of my character has been woven.  My paternal grandmother, Nana, crossed over only a few days later and I was stricken by the loss of the last two grand-elders, my pillars, in a single, frost bitten January week.

"That day I met the blues, baby, swung me from tree to tree."- Buddy Guy

         In that week, I never  imagined the impact their passing and the experience of honoring them, or lack thereof, would have on my life's work.  Moreover, I had no idea that the ache and sting of grief had deep lessons of growth and awareness for me.   When we are struck by the loss of a loved one, a meaningful Life Tribute really is the most profound beginning of our journey from grief to healing. Firsthand, I’ve learned that the grief I once avoided in my life was not an inconvenience but a necessary passage, opening me to come into the bereavement services I offer to so many others today.

         Admittedly, I have been taught a great deal by my loved ones who have crossed over despite the regret and disappointment that often pinches me.  Call it what you will, but in those moments of confusion and despair when I cannot hear the still small voice within,  I often feel Grandpa's presence, his reassurance and that special brand of affection he had reserved for me, his only granddaughter.  There was a look of wonder and pride in his eye for me, even the last time I stood at his bedside and touched his thin hands only days before he left the body.  It is an amazing experience to feel that special affection and 'hear' from him still.  And I hold vigil for him today.  A humble altar of remembrance graced by a few key photographs, a candle and waterfall, the meditation bell and a little sage.

        This is my homage, daily, weekly to those I continue to love and appreciate even though they are no longer in physical awareness.  I honor them still.  Silently.  Sacredly.  Knowing that the feeling is as real as his breath ever was in the body we knew.  Knowing that his kind soul and blues, smile and quick wit were never confined to that handsome face and that is why I feel him still.  Learning that every conversation, every trip around the sun brought us closer to seeing God in one another and resting there sometimes. 

Holding vigil, memorial or ritual for our loved ones who have crossed over can restore wholeness where grief still stings.  Have you found ways to hold your loved ones in your awareness in a way that feels appreciative and peaceful?  Share your story and let your journey encourage another.  What are your ways of remembrance?

To contact Reverend Sala, visit www.honoryourlovedone.com for Life Tribute, Grief Counseling and Bereavement Support.